Sunday, August 21, 2016

Car Dreams And The Whole Body

Going to the Sun Highway Glacier National Park 

Greetings Loves!  It's been a while since I have written and as I prepare to take a Journey into the Mountains of Glacier National Park, I feel compelled to share the Dream that brought about this vacation.  Dreams to Life.  Life to Dreams, one of the many ways we can Play the Consciousness Game and waken the Whole Body.

I am driving up a straight pass in my car.  My mother is in the passenger seat to my right.  I look around taking in what I am faced going up and I realize, I wish my daughter was there.  At the time of this dream, we were estranged.  She had churned through my life and in the wake of her most recent departure, I was feeling raw, used and most of all concerned for her well being.  In the Dream, I turn to my mom and say, "I want to wait for Destiny," but I know she is nowhere within this Dreamscape. Mom says to me, " She is doing her own thing.  You have to go on without her, right now. "
I face back to the Mountain again and can see just how steep the incline is and am concerned, not for going up, I know my car can handle it, but for coming down.  I sense my dread of having to ride the brakes down the steep decline on the downside. Never the less, I gun the engine, the car shoots up the incline and we don't even pause at the peak, but instead soar over the top and keep on flying!  I look at Mom, she gapes back, mouths open, we stare at each other for a second, before I grip the steering wheel of Lucy, my 2003 VW Jetta.
I click in, wrapping my consciousness around Dream Car, feeling my Whole Body aligning with my Dream Car as it flies over the peak.
We sail through the air coming down for a landing, my Whole Body now in synced operation with the Dream Car.
We Land.
A Poof of sparkly powder, fluffs up all around us, glinting and scintillating in the sun.



Upon waking, I feel exhilarated!  I have had Car Dreams before.  In the past when I have dreamed of cars,  I have always noticed some kind of corresponding relationship with Whole Body and the level of engagement in my waking life.   I have dreamed of being in a Dream Car with Mom before, in one dream I was trying to steer the car from outside of it.  Laying on the roof and attempting to  reach through the windows to steer.  Not useful! In an other dream, I was way too big for the Dream Car. To me, an indication that Whole Body wasn't fully integrated in waking life. Both powerful indicators of relationship of Inner Dream Car to Whole Body in outer life. Both dreams and indications to pay attention to my body, and to my Whole Body's relationship with life.
In this, Dream, however, I feel in command of my Dream Car, my Whole Body responds in a sync with the signals of the car.

We SOAR!  (Simply Open Abundant Realizations)

In life, I am haunted by the memories of a fondly remembered, long ago family vacation to Glacier National Park, driving the Going to the Sun Highway, in particular.  So what do I do?  I book a trip with Mom.  Dreams require attention and action.  The signals from this dream were clear and actionable. I book a camping spot, getting the last consecutive days that are available for one spot in the whole campground.  I start meeting people near and far, clients and friends who begin talking to me about Glacier.  I make arrangements for traveling, including informing the still slightly estranged daughter of my plans and availability.  I get really clear, this trip is for Mom and I alone.
I set boundaries.
I lay out an Invitation.
I enjoy the sweetest most intimate trip with my love, Kent that we have had to this date.  We have never been here before.  Whole Body feels enlivened and softened by our current connection. We meet and re-meet the same family in the multiple non associated locations. We ride horses at the foot of Emigrant Peak, near where I grew up. We are amused. We reconnect with estranged daughter, boundaries defined, Hearts Wide Open. He joins me for the first leg of this journey then graciously returns home to Hearth and Pug so Mom and I can carry on our adventure.

We leave today!

When in Dreams, as in life, when we ask, "What am I noticing, how does it make me feel and what action do I need to take to further this agenda?"  I bring synchronicity to the foreground of my awareness, I use it to calibrate my inner to outer states and experience.  I become a conscious Playmate and collaborator with Source and an architect for the Imaginal Realm.  That place where Mystery, Intuition and Creation meet and plan their infiltration of Waking Life.  What a Great Game. Wanna Play?

Friday, August 5, 2016

Inconvenient Feelings and The Road to Happiness

The other day, after having a great time with a young friend, my kind of Fairy Goddaughter, I began to have melancholy feelings about my current relationship status with my own daughter.  She's making choices that I'm not crazy about. Not all that different than the choices that I was making when I was her age, but we always want better for our kids than what we had.  Right?!
So I was driving as these feelings arose and though I acknowledged that they were there, I did not really want to fully go into them while on the road or in the presence of my young friend.  I actually tried to ask her from a young persons perspective what I might be missing. What key insights might she have into the situation that I was over looking from my mom seat as well as through my own distorted emotional lens.  Freedom was what she came up with and boy, do I remember wanting that at the age of seventeen!  I tried feeling into the situation from this perspective and it helped.
I listened to the Wise Child, but I was still hurting.
I kind of pushed those inconvenient feelings down for the moment, knowing that I was doing it.  The result of doing this for me though, for even a short time, was exhaustion a long nap, a semi-sleepless night and then the following day, the feeling of being unsettled.  Makes me wonder, how much chronic fatigue and depression is the result of us shoving inconvenient feelings down?
The next day a close friend and client asked me how I was.  And I briefly said, "I am having a hard time dealing with my feelings around the choices that my daughter is making. "  She then asked me how I usually deal with people acting contrary to what I think is healthy or useful.  Oh how I love being called out on something that I teach! So as honestly as I could I said, "I guess it depends on the person, the level of investment I have in them what processing that emotionally looks like for me but in this case, I cry." I said.  And she asked, "Is that useful?" (Doncha love it when they use your lingo to investigate you? actually I do!) And I said, "Much more so than stuffing it down."
But I had yet to cry.  I was still holding it in.
Later last night I realized why I was having such a hard time. I realized that I was associating her choices with my own failure.  I was saying to myself, if only I had done this or this, she wouldn't be doing this right now.  She would be in a happier, healthier place and I wouldn't be feeling this way!
What a joke!
I have no way of knowing what I may have done or not done that could change or effect someone in the long run, its all speculation.  But in my own desire to take on responsibility for my daughters current experience I, was actually denying myself love.  And I realized, I would also be denying her love by failing to recognize and support her autonomy.  By not Trusting in her Soul Self the same way that I was currently denying myself trust in my own, I would ultimately hurt both of us.
As I finally let the tears fall and allowed myself to be cradled in the arms of my loving man, I gave into my own fears, fears that plague every mother, the possibility that I have failed my child.  But in that moment when I finally let it out, it transformed!  How could I fail when all I have ever tried to offer was the best version of love that I was capable of at the time?  I can't and neither can she.
Loving.  Really LOVING is allowing people to have their experience and choosing to love myself regardless of what someone else does or doesn't do or what I can or can't do for them.  Ultimately being true to love to me, is the only way I can authentically love them too.
We all want to be happy, but real happiness means holding equal space for all of ourselves and all of our feelings.  If I really want to be authentically happy, I have to allow that some days, I will feel sad, angry or frustrated because I am human, Those feelings too have a place in my life.  If try too hard to control the spectrum of my emotions, my emotions will control me instead and my fragile ego is no match for the Sea of Feeling that is our Authentic Human Experience.  It is only in giving over to these rhythms and riding them as a daring surfer rides the waves, that we ever gain any modicum of control of our own happiness. Isn't it so paradoxical that in giving up control, we actually gain it that in giving space to those inconvenient feelings, that they are transformed and in loving what is, what was and whatever will be that we ultimately become free.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Magic at Eyabsut

She sits down in front of me and wraps her hands around the Crystal.  I ask her to close her eyes and think about herself, think about her life, who she is and what makes her happy.  Her eyes close and there is a darkness around her face.  Immediately I see her engulfed in flames and smoke.  I feel her fear as if it were my own.  I feel trapped.  Her eyes open she looks at me and I say, "This is going to get very emotional, for me at least."
I softly laugh.
She smiles.
I go on to say, "I never make a big deal about the experiences that you guys have had that have brought you here.  (I am at a burn camp for kids)  "You are way more than that experience or the sum of your injuries but I cannot help what I saw the moment you closed your eyes."  I tell her what I saw.  I ask her if she remembers. She nods.  The experience is so raw, it is now right on the surface for both of us.
My Heart is wrapping around her.
This is Sacred Space.
I ask her if she will go back into that memory with me, that we will go together, that she will be safe.  She nods her head in acknowledgment and immediately we are there.  I guide her telling her, "You can see the fire, the smoke, it is all around you but it cannot hurt you now.  You have seen the movie Frozen, yes?"  I myself have not actually seen the movie yet, but I know the references so well, (the Princess with the Icy Gift) and so does she.  I tell her, "You now have Elsa's power you can freeze the fire.  You can turn it to blue ice crystals all around you and it cannot hurt you. You are in control."
A hand from one of her friends reaches out and touches her on the back reassuringly, letting her know she is not alone.  The small group that is present for her reading closes in around her, intuitively forming a protective circle.
I insert again, "Theses crystals are your power source now."
Her eyes open there are tears in her and my eyes.
This is Magic.
Real Magic.
The kind that happens when hearts open in vulnerability and camaraderie, when courage takes the lead and community supports the wounded.  This is what these kids and this camp is all about.
I go on with my impressions.  She is so beautiful and such Beauty Bringer and I tell her this.  I tell her I see a gift in her that she can bring Beauty into any situation and her friends around her nod.  I tell her that though she may seem to be out of time sometimes, that timelessness allows her to travel to any place in any time she wants and to be welcomed there.
She is a Beautiful.
They are all so beautiful and so real.

For the last couple of years I have had the honor of offering intuitive readings for the kids and counsellors of this camp.  I read their palms but they show me their Hearts, their pasts, their futures, their hopes and Dreams, their gifts and their strengths.  They are so courageous and so vulnerable.  They are full of humor, wisdom and often a maturity that cannot be glimpsed in many adults.
There is not a one of us in this world who is not scarred in some way.  Some of us can hide those scars, the emotional wounds, the fears, the hurts and disappointments.  Some of us can't.  Some of us have to wear them openly, they cannot be hid, nor can the changes that the experiences have wrought.  Perhaps we could all be a little more like this, a little more willing to show to each other our scars, what we fear makes us different what we deeply fear makes us unlovable.
We are all so alike in these ways whether our wounds be visible or not.
There is so much to learn from each other.
So much to be shared with each other.
There is so much to love.

Camp Eyabsut is a non-profit organization.  It is 100% free for the kids who travel from all over the country to attend.  It is the care and generosity of our communities that make this possible.  They are supported by grants and donations and volunteers and will need support for next years camp.

Please visit

"To Rise Above Anything."
Camp Eyabsut's mission is to support, enhance and positively impact the quality of life for young burn survivors through teambuilding, challenging activities and friendships in a fun and safe camp environment.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

In Search Of Clarity

When the mind is clear all things take on a suspended state of beauty. 

Have you ever come upon a lake that was so clear, the air so still, that it appeared as if what was above and what was below were as one?  The clarity gives me cause for pause, takes me to that deep still place where, within, all things become light and free.
Now if I were to drop something precious to me into the depths of that pool and watch transfixed as it slipped away, I could imagine that I had lost a piece of me, a part or a treasure that I would feel compelled to go searching for.  I might imagine myself feeling fraught without it.  I might imagine that I cannot go on without it.  I might imagine that I have got to find it or else...
Mission failed or incomplete.
If I wish to search, inevitably I must disturb this perfect reflection.  I must plumb to the depths of that which is being reflected to me and in doing so, I will bestir and muddy those crystalline waters.  I can play this game if I wish, or I can see that what I have shed is but a child tossing pennies into the Well of Being, making wishes, counting fishes, splashing for pure delight.
I can don subversive gear if I wish to retrieve that thing, I can strap on the tools that I need to delve into the Underworld and seek out that which I believe I have lost.  I can with my frantic efforts, in fact, ruin the reflection.
I cannot, however, do anything to that which is casting the mirrored state.  I cannot tear limbs from the branches of the actual Tree by mucking up It's reflection.  I certainly cannot tear it down.
All I can really do is play a game in which I pretend with all my conviction that something is missing and in my desperation to get it back I can thrash about in It's great reflection appearing to cause all kinds of damage.  Muddying the waters, slashing with my frantic splashing through the tranquil branches and leaves mirrored upon this vast medium of reflection, contemplation and action.
I can look around and see other divers, also searching for that thing they believe they lost.  I can see them as a threat and believe that they want what I have and I can hoard over my search area like a miser and lash out at anyone who comes near.
I can snarl....
I can realize they are searching on their own and we might just all find what we are looking for a little more quickly if we but agree to HELP EACH OTHER!
I can shine the light on where you think you lost your Thing and perhaps in those dark and murky waters, beneath the reflections, beneath the Great Tree, my Light will catch a glimmer of what you are looking for. Or maybe yours will dance lightly over mine and suddenly we will see that we are oh so similar in our Search in our Longings.  And we will suddenly realize that the reality above us, remains Whole and Untouched as we reach out and touch each other.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Every Choice Forms A New Reality

I know it can be hard to look around the world and the country we live in and keep a positive attitude about our leaders and each other.  There certainly is a lot derision, violence and despair flying around.  But behind the sensationalization of the latest tragedy or political drama, there is always warmth and human connection to be found.  Wherever there is fear, drama and violence, there is also those who are helping out and taking care of people. Everyday we have to choose what we want to look for in the world and who we want to be.
There is an old American Indian tale about a Wise Man explaining to a Child that in each of us there are Two Wolves doing battle.  One is hateful, violent and aggressive the other is companionable, charitable, cooperative and harmonious.  The Child asks the Elder, "Grandfather, which one wins?"  "The One You Feed!" The Elder replies. 
It is the side of us that we feed, that we nurture and tend to that wins.  We all harbor hostility and fear, but deeper than that, we harbor that which we inherently are, LOVE.
Tree of Peace by Josephine Wall 
The side that wins is the side we feed and in that lies our greatest Freedom and our most Powerful Choice.  When we each choose to feed Love, we also choose Freedom. When we really Love, we set ourselves and those around us Free! When we feed that Healthy Wolf, that in turn strengthens the pack.  If you want to experience more Freedom in your life, choose LOVE and in that make your stand.  We all have the right to live, to love to create as we feel ordained to do.  There is nothing offensive about this. As long as we are not harming ourselves or others, we have the right to choose who we want to be and how we want to live, it is our creative right. 
Every Choice Forms A New Reality! 
The law of Thelema is "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Love is the law, love under will." This was developed by Aleister Crowley, an English writer and ceremonial magician, a Free Man.
When we bring Will under Love we find the Grace to embrace Choice, choices of our own as well as those of others. As Independence Day celebrations make their wake though the consciousness stream, remember this, the greatest Gift is Freedom of Choice and when we exercise and honor this gift we can all be Fully Free!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Raising Energy With The Sun


I awoke this morning knowing something is different and that something is me!
For the last couple of months many of us, including myself, have been revisiting old stories and energies, the astrological take is that all the planets that have been retrograde have created the perfect environment for us to do this.  Revisiting the past is not the same as being stuck in it, though.  Not if you know yourself to be making different choices than the ones that were made then.  It is choice that sets us on any path and as simplistic as it sounds, the greatest choice we can make is always between fear and love.  Fear tells us avoid, be angry, defensive pass judgment on those things that seem to be out of alignment.  Love says, Navigate with Care. Love does not avoid but neither does love ask that we drag our, or even our family or planetary baggage along with us for the rest of our life, that is not loving, that is actually quite fearful.  When we do that we are saying we are afraid to let go, afraid to let others have their experiences and make their mistakes.  We are also subtly saying that we don't trust them and if there is anything that I have discovered about moving forward, with anything, it is that I must trust!  I am ready to move forward I am ready to let the cynicism die on the vine and be buried in the deep dark reclaiming soil of Mother Earth and I am ready to step out and shine but I have found I cannot fully do this when I am dragging baggage behind me.
There are so many stories that we tell, that we hear, stories make the world go round!
As the Sun climbs in the sky this Solstice day, shining His Love and Grace and encouraging us all to bloom and grow, I ask myself, what other stories are ready to be buried?  What in my arsenal of tales is ready to become fertilizer for my next phase of expansion?  And I know what they are, as do you, they are the rumination of separation, they are the tales of lack and victimization, they are the songs of sorrow and self defeat.
I am burying them now.
I lay them gently to rest under a blanket of dark soil to be reclaimed by Mother Earth, She Who Heals All Wounds.  I bury the burdens of my ancestors, of my mind and soul and I know all that energy as I let it go, becomes my Power.  I claim this energy as I claim my birthright, my right to love, to heal, to be, to create.  I honor the blending of my own fierceness and desire, with all in my heart that is tender and in the Union of Fierce and Tender, I place my Trust.

My new clearing mantra is "Theirs is theirs and mine is mine."  I say this frequently while wiggling my fingers through my field and really permitting myself to release all that does not resonate with the Truth of my vitality and creativity, wherever or whenever that discord is resonating from.  I deserve to have the full capacity of my own energy available and accessible for me to create and with and to thrive in that creation and in this I know I belong, I am beautiful and I am worthy.

I Feel the Loving Arms of the Mother and Gentle Direction of the Father as I take flight.

I TRUST in the Grace of Life as surely as I trust the Sun will come up Tomorrow.

So much LOVE,

Lady Justice

photo: Solstice Poppy by Mina Bast